.

I know exactly how it feels
To be alone, when I’m not completely alone
And I know I’ve always been good at
Deceiving others into thinking I’m completely fine.
Sometimes I don’t even have to try —
After all, they don’t bother finding out the truth.
And clearly when you’re all alone
You could only hear your own thoughts speaking
I’d made up so many unreal conversations in my head
To the point where, at any time, I could trick myself into thinking
All the wrongs in the past, all the hearts that I’ve broken
And the fact that I’ll always be stuck in this cycle
Of falling apart. Unable to go back to what’s real.
Worst of all, I could always reason with myself
That I’m better off alone.
That I’m better off not making anyone else suffer.
I could keep going on and on, talking while listing
The reasons why I can never escape, as long as I’m breathing —
And nobody would reply.

Summer

Drowning, I’m cursing at the sky again
I can’t hear your embrace from all these waves
I’ve hit my head along the jagged rocks
And praying that you’d pick me up again.

I’ve crashed so many times before,
And I’m perfectly sober now but why does that
Your pitiful words on my screen
Only spells out the things that I don’t want to hear?

It’s always been like this —
You called me out, and I’ll come to you
Like flocks of birds seeking warmth
The summer that forever belongs in your name.

That’s how I feel whenever I’m with you;
Summertime that I deserve, strolling through
Soft sands under the cloudless skies
Reaching out to God and singing our gratitude

No matter how far I’ve drifted away
This sea is dying. And I believe that
My tears will stop, along with the current
Just like the summer that disappears with you.

Letters

It’s not everyday you’d read love letters of a past lover of your partner.

“I’m throwing them away.”

I didn’t even think twice — I held back his hand, pleading for those letters.

“That’s odd”, he chuckled, “of course you can read them, it’s just unusual you’d want to keep them.”

It was the handwriting of a young girl desperate for love. It was small with meticulous curves — she mentioned your name a lot.

Her daytime dreams poured into words; those were the only thing she could depend on to bring you back.

She’d reminisced about the past, when you two were still together, before she wrote those letters that were simply the results of a broken heart, still unwilling to accept your farewell.

This girl who loved you, whom I’ve never even met, taught me a lesson that day.

And every time I read those letters, I’m reminded of a girl who I’d never want to be.

untitled fairy tale

I want to be fascinated
And cherished as the flowers bloom
Into feelings I have yet felt
A start to an endless story
An end to all distress.

I wanted to be fascinated
And taken away from this sugarless,
Colorless thought from the past
But what have you become, my prince
Drowned in the sea’s embrace.

I have come to realize, this chase
Of your warmth and the collision of your kiss
Is a mockery to my inferiority
I refuse to take it, I try to shout
The magic words, to no avail.

Do I really need this miracle?
My limbs weakened, trying to save
My only hope, my only wish
I dare to stop, for all its worth
Yet I can already see myself disappearing.

Hiding in a foam of bubbles,
An imperfect getaway, but I digress
Even if it was all just a lie
My dream of seeing you again
Has already come true…

Drifting Off

Imagine if we can have what we want
Will you put me away?
The destructive kind of thought at 3am

As the night quickly falls
I say goodbye to the darkness
A familiar voice heard elsewhere
“I’ll wake you up in the morning”
Your 10pm is just my beginning

Imagine if we can have what we want
Will I still wake up tomorrow?
I’ll leave at 12am without leaving anything behind

It should be safe here
You’re crying but I should be safe here
Forgetting that 1am confession
“I need someone to understand me”
Nobody is awake at this hour.

Imagine if we can have what we want
Will you wish for a good night’s sleep?
Even the person next to you is somewhere else

Imagine if we can have what we want
Will you turn the clock backwards?
The side effect of staying up until 3am

Is enough to make me wish for what I can’t have.

Supposedly it’s about being stuck with a thought of something in the past, but you can interpret it the way you want.

3D Complex

I see that everything else is better than me
That I’m starting to avoid the world existing within mirrors
Even if they’re broken, even if they’re wronged
They’re in perfect form.

It’s beginning to sicken me, turning my stomach as a whole
I wanna throw it all up but it’s no use.
I wanna scream it out of my system, but it’ll just show
How ugly it is to have this biological instinct.

Please, please
Just make it disappear from my senses.
I don’t need you to remind me.

They’re still better than me.
We are both lonely, used, wasted, monopolized
And being cheated and forced to live in such a messed up world of yours
Yet they’re in perfect form.

The rainbow-colored scene, with its unrealistic ideals
Isn’t it better? If it’s made slightly different from our world
But didn’t you say it’s even better? The more it differs, the reflection
How ugly it would’ve been if it’s realistic.

Please, please
It’s impossible for me to disappear from this world
Don’t remind me that I can never be them.

Your choice of pixels over cells
Imaginative indulgence
The satisfying satisfaction it brings

Please, please
My flawed form of dissolving warmth
Don’t let it go, even if it’s just a memory.

Note: It’s still a WIP, and well I’ll just give a short insight of the meaning; it’s about a person with inferiority complex! Against who? Or what? Let’s leave it at that!