A cute poem to help you cope with depression.

I used to believe that, at the end of the day,
No matter how angry my mom gets at me
No matter how hungry I be after school because I
Finished all my lunch mom had packed for me
Or no matter how bad my day gets,
I’ll be back in my bed, tucked in
Comfortable and drowsy, with mom
Offering her warmth through her lullabies
Or with dad’s lips on my forehead,
And I’ll be able to close my eyes,
And greet the sheep that have been waiting for me.

It was like a mantra to me.
One time I told myself that when
Dad forgot to pick me up after school
And I had to wait for him until dusk
But we got take-outs for dinner so, it was fine.
Still,
I held onto it, believing it’ll work
And for the most of my childhood, it really did.

The other time I failed a test for the first time,
I cried in the classroom.
I was so scared for mom to find out,
I hid my test paper crumbled inside my bag,
And hoping that I could sleep all the sadness off at night.
But of course, mom had to ask me how my day went
So I broke in tears. And she listened, and she
Said something about failure
And hugged me tight.

Sometimes, I wonder
When I couldn’t fall asleep at night
Was it because I forgot to say the mantra?
The little girl in me, taught me how
She puts one happy thought,
A happy tree in a painting,
And it brighten up her whole day.
Does a child who only ever likes to eat sweets
And does whatever she wants in the afternoon
Spending her day playing tags and catching butterflies
Before mom calls her for dinner
Have more power over her thoughts compared to me?

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Demon

I was just a kid when I learned pain.
The kind of demon, you thought will make you stronger.
I thought it matured me.
But I only let it grew, so much to be
The kind of demon you can’t kill.

The little things in life make you happy.
I was just a kid when they told me this.
But now I’ve learned that, those same little things
Gave me the emotional burden
That built up on me like heaps of junk
The little things that we never really addressed,
They really are what the demon in us feed on.

Isn’t it cruel to restrict yourself from second chances?
I can’t repeat my childhood.
I can’t go back and stop that naive little girl.
I can’t even apologize to her for making her believe that
Pain will make her stronger.
And despite me fighting a losing battle,
In the end, I am only losing
For the demon that can’t die.

Note: I am struggling with acepting reality.

Taste

All cold and worried, I remember
Your soft cheeks, your voice,
All in the warm sweetness that slowly
Starts to seep out of my mind..

I knew it from the beginning,
But why does this still hurt?
A hard candy will surely melt away,
The more you try to taste it.

I didn’t think it was possible,
To love despite the bitterness?
I’ll never understand,
Because it’ll never be me.

If there’s no tomorrow for us,
I’ll be able to continue living
In a web of lies, without ever knowing
The taste that I really need.

She smelled good, didn’t she?

A gentle knock, a soft reminder
Just enough to recapture your heart
When her fading footsteps back then,
Were her only answer
For your near-sighted heart..

It would remain forever incomplete
But isn’t that what love really is?
Amidst everything that used to be
The calmest of seas, just before a storm was born
And drifted the two of you apart?

It was never your fault or hers
Perfection should always stay in delusion
To continue confining yourself in those thoughts
Even the world would never accept
For you to slowly die in monotony.

Now that I have your attention;
I’ve never really wanted an unbreakable love.
Why would I ask for anything other than
Those anxieties that drove my pulse faster?
Maybe she was the same.

Voice

Before that voice of yours becomes the past
Would you tone it down for once?
I pretended I didn’t see that swirling grudge
As you rushed off past me
Thought I was terribly foolish
To have wished to leave
Without accomplishing anything
The time when as though running away
Would have never left such a big stain
You know, you’re not the only one
To have the intent to kill it off
But here I am, drenched in my own silence
After you threw away your voice elsewhere
I’d rather listen to it all over again.

.

I know exactly how it feels
To be alone, when I’m not completely alone
And I know I’ve always been good at
Deceiving others into thinking I’m completely fine.
Sometimes I don’t even have to try —
After all, they don’t bother finding out the truth.
And clearly when you’re all alone
You could only hear your own thoughts speaking
I’d made up so many unreal conversations in my head
To the point where, at any time, I could trick myself into thinking
All the wrongs in the past, all the hearts that I’ve broken
And the fact that I’ll always be stuck in this cycle
Of falling apart. Unable to go back to what’s real.
Worst of all, I could always reason with myself
That I’m better off alone.
That I’m better off not making anyone else suffer.
I could keep going on and on, talking while listing
The reasons why I can never escape, as long as I’m breathing —
And nobody would reply.

Summer

Drowning, I’m cursing at the sky again
I can’t hear your embrace from all these waves
I’ve hit my head along the jagged rocks
And praying that you’d pick me up again.

I’ve crashed so many times before,
And I’m perfectly sober now but why does that
Your pitiful words on my screen
Only spells out the things that I don’t want to hear?

It’s always been like this —
You called me out, and I’ll come to you
Like flocks of birds seeking warmth
The summer that forever belongs in your name.

That’s how I feel whenever I’m with you;
Summertime that I deserve, strolling through
Soft sands under the cloudless skies
Reaching out to God and singing our gratitude

No matter how far I’ve drifted away
This sea is dying. And I believe that
My tears will stop, along with the current
Just like the summer that disappears with you.